Did you fall down the steps all by yourself or did you have some help?

domestic abuse, sexual wellbeing networkShe came with her husband. He was the epitome of attentiveness, supporting her as she limped along, quick to perform her every wish.
She was covered in bruises.

I asked her how she came about her bruises.
‘Oh I fell down the steps.’
Really! I thought a bit skeptically.
As I listened to her story and observed the husband’s attentiveness, I was already plotting.
I must do all I can to get this man out of the room.

I wanted to ask her woman-to woman if she fell down the steps all by herself or had some help.
I marvelled that I have become a sceptic.
I now see domestic abuse everywhere.
But who wouldnt??

Here are some Domestic violence statistics for you from the Domestic violence Statistics website:
Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

We need to do more as a society to STOP Domestic Violence. No woman/man desrves to be sent to an early grave due to domestic violence.

Victims please speak up. The silence is a major factor that keeps the abuse going.
And when these victims speak, society must be ready to believe them, support them and protect them.

~Adaeze Ifezulike


Amazon review of ‘Understanding Contraception: a guide for black ladies’

”I Enjoyed reading this book very much, found it humorous, with the right amount of factual information and the examples given made it real and easy to understand various issues. The illustrations complimented the text, overall an educational book that is easy to read and understand”

Get your copy here.

Register for the 2015 Afrocaribbean Health Events here

Part 5: A Survivor of Sexual Abuse – Nina Ndubuisi.

Sexual Wellbeing Network

Sexual Wellbeing Network

Not all survivors of sexual abuse show their emotions outwardly. On the one hand, some may appear calm and unaffected by the assault; on the other hand, some survivors become hyper-sexual or promiscuous following sexual attacks—sometimes as a way to reassert a measure of control over their sexual relations (I think this is more me).
To all including men,(yes men are victims as well) who have been victims, know that your silence only cripples you but your voice will make you victorious. Despite all these years, I am still trying to overcome and be victorious, some days are good some are bad, but I believe I am a survivor.

Fast forward to the year 2002 – I was lying in bed nursing my newborn baby, I had a phone call, my husband passed me the phone someone called Chidi wanted to speak to me, as I picked up the phone and said hello, how could I not recognise that voice? It was the voice of “aunty” (our nanny), I asked how she got my number and she told me “daddy” had given it to her, she had heard I had had a baby and wanted to come and visit me, without thinking or rather more out of curiosity I gave her the address, two days later she turned up with her husband and a mountain of gifts, I welcomed her into my house and she carried my baby, I asked her about her own kids and she looked up and told me God had not blessed her with any, despite being married for over 20 years (which means she had not had any kids).

Have you ever heard the word SCHADENFREUDE? It means – Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. I rest my case.
Ciao xxx


The Sexual Wellbeing Community are immensely grateful to Nina Ndubuisi for sharing her story and opening our eyes to how easily sexual abuse can occur right under our noses and the long term effects on the victims.

We wish you well, Nina, and pray that your healing will be complete so you can live a wholesome, glorious life free from the shackles of the past.
If you would like to share your story about a sexual health matter such as rape, sexual abuse, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, domestic abuse and so on please get in touch here http://wp.me/P3VAOw-5r

understanng contraception
buy now

Part 4: A survivor of Sexual Abuse -Nina Ndubuisi.

 

The next morning “aunty” came into my room to wake me up to get me ready for school, that night unknowingly I had wet my bed and “aunty” had slapped me round the head for wetting the bed, I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, I sat on the toilet to do a wee and I felt the sharp burning sensation from within start over again, I must have been on the toilet for a long time as “aunty” came into the bathroom and dragged me off the toilet and ordered me into the bathtub, screaming that I was going to be late for school as I had spent most of the time on the toilet. After bathing I went into my room and got dressed putting on the same uniform I had worn the day before.

God has a way of looking out for “his own” and I believe that was the day that all those evil doers were going to get their comeuppance, how else can you explain “aunty” not noticing the uniform I wore to school was stained with blood and dried semen? How else can you explain “aunty” not keeping me off school as I was walking very funny?

I arrived in school that day and my appearance, coupled with the stains on my school skirt immediately drove the school authority into action, social services were called in and before you knew it, I found myself on an aeroplane being sent to Nigeria to live with my maternal grandparents.

Till this day, I don’t know what was used to penetrate me all I can think of are two things; either the empty beer bottle I noticed while lying on the floor that had some blood stains on the rim or “uncles” penis.

To be sexually abused strips you of what is pure and innocent. You grow up living with the shame that wears like a filthy, wet blanket. It is a darkness I would wish on no one. Sexual abuse can be extremely damaging, psychologically. Sexual abuse can have long devastating effects on its victims. Victims of sexual abuse often change their views on self and sexuality dramatically, in trying to deal with the trauma forced on them. Some begin to shun the idea of sex under any circumstances; others trivialize sexual abuse—thus they try to see it as nothing special in order to make light what has been done to them.

To be continued….

understanng contraception
buy now

Part 3: A survivor of Sexual Abuse – Nina Ndubuisi.

As we celebrate the International Women’s Day, we want to remember the real heroes, women all over the world who have gone through tough times and yet hold their head high. Women who refused to bow under incredible pressure and instead determined to make something of their lives despite the odds.

PicMonkey Collage.jpg12

On this day, we celebrate Nina Ndubuisi. Nina is a qualified nurse and midwife, who works full time supporting people with learning disabilities and Mental health issues to enable them access and engage socially with their community, ensuring they live a full and active life. She is currently living in Belvedere, Kent United Kingdom, with her husband and three daughters. You can follow her “wacky thoughts” at www.ninas-thoughts.com

This is her story in her own words: please click here if you missed the first part or the second part.

The next thing I remember was a sharp pain coming from inside me, it was so sharp that I let out a scream, “uncle” immediately used his dry palms to cover my mouth to prevent me from screaming any more, I remember biting his palm which followed with a slap across my face at this point I knew it was best not to scream or struggle, after all I was not a “naughty girl”, the pain intensified and I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks and sliding into my mouth, I remember the taste of the saltiness from my tears, I think the tears I shed that day were saltier than all the other tears I had shed before, “uncle” carried on doing whatever it was he was doing to me, I could hear him grunting whilst jiggling and with each movement he made, the pain intensified, as I sat on his knees while he got on with his business I tried to think of “happy thoughts”, but unfortunately I could not think of anything that nice that could take the pain away, the tears kept on flowing, I could feel my chest tightening and I became breathless (I have always been an asthmatic), I must have had an asthmatic attack, at that point “uncle” finally released me and shoved me on to the floor, I felt something warm trickling down my legs coming from my very painful and sore vagina, I went into the foetus position and started sucking my thumb (I was a thumb sucker), after what seemed like eternity, “aunty” came in, she saw me on the floor and shouted; “what are you doing on the floor? Come on get up or else I will tell your “daddy” when he comes back, I got up quickly and as I stood up, I felt more of what it was gushing out of me and trickling down my legs, I was too scared to look down, as I walked towards the door I heard “aunty” shout out – “go and clean yourself up and go to bed”, I had no idea what she meant by “clean myself up” and I was too shaken up and sore to ask, I just found myself walking to my room, taking off my uniform , putting on my pyjamas and crawling into bed.

To be continued.

understanng contraception
buy now

Part 2: A survivor of Sexual Abuse – Nina Ndubuisi.

As we celebrate the International Women’s Day, we want to remember the real heroes, women all over the world who have gone through tough times and yet hold their head high. Women who refused to bow under incredible pressure and instead determined to make something of their lives despite the odds.

PicMonkey Collage.jpg12

On this day, we celebrate Nina Ndubuisi. Nina is a qualified nurse and midwife, who works full time supporting people with learning disabilities and Mental health issues to enable them access and engage socially with their community, ensuring they live a full and active life. She is currently living in Belvedere, Kent United Kingdom, with her husband and three daughters. You can follow her “wacky thoughts” at www.ninas-thoughts.com

This is her story in her own words: please click here if you missed the first part.

I know the continuation of my story is well overdue, but narrating this has taken its toll on me, reliving the memories, I actually wanted to forget about it and not publish this but a lot of people have sent me private messages asking me what happened? How I dealt with the abuse I had to go through as a child and able to live and tell the tale and live a “normal” life by being a wife a mother, I then knew I owed it to all of you to publish the conclusion and narrate the horrific trauma I went through. Like I mentioned earlier, I am NOT looking for sympathy or any counselling, my decision to let you into my “world” and share the dark secrets I have been harbouring all this while is, I believe that “someone” who may have gone through the same thing or something similar, might be able to draw strength from my story.

I must have been eight years old or just turned 9 the day “it” happened, I remember playing in the front room with my dolls, It was not long I had returned from school as I was still in my school uniform. I think I had got all my dolls and teddy bears in a circle and was having a picnic with them, I remember hearing the door bell, I stood up and peeped from behind the curtains to see who it was – I had been warned never to open the door for anyone, but as a child, curiosity always got the better of me, although I was not allowed to open the door, I always wanted to see who was at the door. As I looked through the glass, I noticed it was “uncle” and his friend, I could not recount ever seeing this particular friend before, I noticed “uncle” look towards the window and I quickly closed the curtains – I did not want him to see me looking at him through the window and telling “daddy” I had been naughty. At this point our “nanny” (aunty), came down and opened the door, I could hear their voices in the hallway, indicating that they had been let in, my heart began to race, not with excitement, more with apprehension as I knew what would follow; “uncle” would come into the living room order me to get him a glass from the kitchen for him to drink his beer, then he will order me to sit on his lap and do his “thing”, whilst I popped sweets into my mouth “like a good girl” – as that was what “good girls” were meant to do, right? Well how did I know any different?

To be continued.

 

understanng contraception
buy now

A survivor of Sexual Abuse – Nina Ndubuisi -Part 1

As we celebrate the International Women’s Day, we want to remember the real heroes, women all over the world who have gone through tough times and yet hold their head high. Women who refused to bow under incredible pressure and instead determined to make something of their lives despite the odds.

PicMonkey Collage.jpg12

On this day, we celebrate Nina Ndubuisi. Nina is a qualified nurse and midwife, who works full time supporting people with learning disabilities and Mental health issues to enable them access and engage socially with their community, ensuring they live a full and active life. She is currently living in Belvedere, Kent United Kingdom, with her husband and three daughters. You can follow her “wacky thoughts” at www.ninas-thoughts.com

This is her story in her own words:

“rape victims NEVER GET OVER IT!!!! No matter how long ago, how much counselling etc etc … That feeling of “dirt”, the feeling of “self blame” the feeling of “guilt” the memories of the experience …. NEVER EVER GO AWAY!!!”

I am not looking for sympathy and neither am I looking for counsellors, I have decided to share my experience in the hope that it might give someone some inspiration, someone who might have gone through the same thing, but has never had a voice to speak up, or was never believed, I want to give hope to someone who thinks that their life since the awful incident is over and they do not deserve the right to live, as they feel; dirty, they wake up every night in a cold sweat as they keep having nightmares reliving the awful event, the feeling of guilt as “we” (victims of rape) always think we are to blame; maybe we should not have dressed so provocatively, maybe we should not have gone down the dark alley alone, maybe we should have fought back, maybe we should have screamed louder, all the maybe’s, if only…. But one thing I have finally come to accept over the last couple of years; it was never my fault and there was nothing I could have done. And there is life after RAPE/SEXUAL ABUSE.

I was 6 years old when my biological mother died, now those of you who know me well, will know I was fostered, but after my mother’s death my step father decided to uproot me from the only stability I seemed to have and bring me to live with him in London before he decided to “ship me” off to Nigeria (washing his hands off me, after all I was not his flesh and blood). It was the 2-3 years I lived in London under his roof, that the sexual abuse started – no, it was not from him, it was from his friends who used to visit in the pretense of coming to see if “we” (my siblings and I) were all okay following the death of our mother, these “uncles” used to visit when my “step dad” was not around, we had a nanny who was brought to look after us from Nigeria at the time, she used to leave me to my faith in the hands of these “uncles”, while she went upstairs with them to do whatever it was adults do behind closed doors.

My step father was the scariest person I have ever come across and I lived in utter fear of him as he never hesitated in pulling off his belt and lashing me with it at the slightest provocation, I remember once I had a nasty cough and my persistent cough seemed to be irritating him, he insisted I stopped coughing and I almost choked while trying to hold the cough in, when I could not hold it any longer I let it out, he asked me if I had coughed and I quickly shook my head saying it was a sneeze, my uttering those words sent me into a coughing frenzy and before I knew it, my feet were dangling in the air as he had grabbed me by my two ears and pulled me into the air, before letting me down and giving me a resounding slap for lying. This is just once incident.

All these “uncles” who used to visit knew how scared “I” was of my step dad and they used this to their advantage; I was always told to come and sit on their knees like a good little girl and given sweets to keep me quiet (I guess that’s where my weight issues stemmed from), I remember them jiggling me about on their knees and holding me tight, whilst I popped sweets into my mouth, after they had finished their business they used to tell me not to say anything to anyone or they would tell my “step dad” that I was a naughty girl and I knew what that meant.

This carried on for a while, until the day “It happened”, the day that I can never ever forget, the day that ruined my life, the day that made me develop a phobia for having anything inserted in my vagina……

To be continued……..