HIV? Me? No, I am married! (19)

“Eh…do you mean menopause?”

“Yes! That’s it! She must be at menopause,” Dike responded.

“Or you have infected her with HIV.” I wanted to snap at him.

He must know! Why was he pretending? How long was he going to keep up the charade?

I controlled my thoughts and tried to keep a straight face.

“So what exactly do you want me to tell your husband?,” I asked turning to Nma.

“The whole truth,” Nma shrugged, throwing her arms into the air.

She looked like a lost child rather than a capable middle aged woman. She looked like she could do with a cuddle, as though she was on the verge of bursting into tears. I looked at Dike. He frowned and looked away.
I glanced down at my watch. We were already six minutes into the
consultation. I had no time for drama.

My next patient was waiting already and I must conclude and ensure Nma and her husband were out of my consulting room in
four minutes.

I took a deep breath and urged myself to speak.

To be continued….

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The Afrocarribean health event holds on 25th October 2014. It’s the only gathering devoted to tackling health issues specific to Afrocarribeans.
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HIV? Me? No, I am married (18)

“Doctor, please tell my husband what is going on.” Nma put her hands together under her chin and sighed.

I stared back at her confused for a moment.

Could it be that she hadn’t told him her status? Was she seriously expecting me to do this? First her daughter, now her husband. How many more family members was I expected to break this news to?

I felt a bit panicky at the thought of Nma bringing an endless line up of sons, daughters, uncles and aunties, in short a whole clan of people for me to speak to.

Nma had come back to see me with her husband a week after I’d seen her with her daughter. I was glad they had come together. I immediately recognised Dike, though we hadn’t met for nearly a year. He looked much older than I remembered but still had that distinguished look about him. Perhaps a few more grey hairs than last time.

“This is my husband, Dike,” Nma spoke once they sat down.
I had nodded at him and smiled. I wasn’t sure how much he had disclosed to Nma. Had he told her his status? He nodded back at me, his face blank. Maybe he didn’t recognise me.

“Nma,” I started trying to gather my thoughts. “I…”

“What is going on, doctor,” Dike snapped. “My wife has been losing weight, she is always tired, I have found her crying on several occasions for no reason…is she at meno…meno…whatever you women experience when you are older?”

What! I screamed inside. If it hadn’t been such a serious situation, I was sure I’d have burst out laughing. Instead, my mind went into a tail spin. What game was Dike playing??

 ”Understanding Contraception” get it here

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Jaydesse……the new ‘Lady’ in town.

One of the things that freak a few ladies out when we offer hormonal contraception is the thought of not seeing their periods.
No periods!! What! Is that even legal? And where will all the blood stay if its not coming out?
We gently explain that there is ‘no blood accumulating inside’ them. The contraception thins the linings of the womb so that there is nothing or very little to shed during the period. Sometimes the ability of the contraception to reduce your menstral flow is seen as a disadvantage to such ladies who find it very reassuring to have a monthly period.

On the other hand, many others are simply delighted not to bother with periods. For them, that is the attraction to those contraceptions like the Mirena coil. Perhaps they have struggled with very heavy (and sometimes, painful!)  menstral flow all their lives. And hormonal contraceptions have simply revolutionalised their lives by reducing and in some cases, stopping their menstral flow as well as providing contraceptive effect.
In some areas of the world where it is still very difficult to get regular water to have a good shower, no periods are good news!
Also sanitary towels, tampons, menstral cups and all other paraphernalia women use to keep themselves decent during menses still constitute a significant cost that some women are happy not to have to deal with.

Well, if you are in the first group of women who MUST have their periods, then let me introduce you to Jaydesse. Jaydesse is a hormonal contraception coil which has now been approved for use in the UK.
Jaydesse may already be known to our American readers as Skyla -Skyla has been in use in America since 2013 .                          Jaydesse contraceptive coil, sexualwellbeingnetwork

Jaydesse, apart from having a really cool name 🙂 has the following advantages:
– It is smaller than the mirena contraceptive coil which was the only hormonal coil in UK before the arrival of Jaydesse. Since its smaller, it is considered easier to insert.
– women may find the process of inserting it is less painful since it is smaller.
– You are likely to continue to have regular periods with Jaydesse.
– Jaydesse contains only 13.5mg of the hormone Levonorgestrel while Mirena contains 52mg of Levonorgestrel.

On the down side, Jaydesse
-is effective for up to 3 years only unlike mirena which is effective for 5 years.
-Can only be used for contraception while Mirena in addition to providing contraception, can also be used to help heavy periods (menorrhagia) and used as part of HRT if required when the woman becomes menopausal.
-Jaydesse is not the first choice for contraception in women who have never given birth as enough is not yet known about use in such women. But if a woman has considered other options and still prefers Jaydesse, it will be prescribed for her.
-Jaydesse is so good at preventing pregnancy however if a pregnancy does occur while you are using Jaydesse, it has a 50% chance of being an ectopic pregnancy.

Jaydesse is definitely a welcome addition to the contraceptions available to women especially as we wait (endlessly, it seems!) for a contraception for men that will save us women all the trouble…sigh…

Its worth having a chat with your doctor if you think Jaydesse will suit you. It is still relatively new, though and only time will tell how well received it will be.

We would love to hear from you if you have used Jadesse/Skyla and would like to share your experience. Comments can be posted below.
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HIV? Me? No, I am married! (13)

  “It’s okay,” I hurried to reassure her. ”Noooo,” she screamed. ”Mum, tell me that’s not true.” ”Its true.” ”How could that be?” Aka asked at us both, bewildered, ”….does it mean…Daddy?” She stopped in confusion.

”I really don’t know,” Nma answered her unspoken question. ”What’s going to happen now?” Aka started crying.

”I know it’s a shock,” I said gently. ”But things have changed a lot and HIV is no longer the death sentence it used to be.With treatment, many people live normal lives with HIV.”

”Everybody will find out and we will be ostracised,” said Aka. It appeared she hadn’t heard a word I’d said.HIV, Black women health

”No one needs to find out,” Nma spoke sharply to her daughter. ”You are not to tell a soul, promise me.”

”But Mum..!’ ”Promise me NOW!”


”I only wanted you to know because I have no one else to tell,” Nma’s voice broke and she sobbed quietly.

It was as if seeing her mum cry sobered Aka. Wiping her own tears, she tentatively reached out to Nma and gave her a hug. ”Its okay, Mum,” she whispered.

Free Download: 6 Keys to Outstanding Sexual Intimacy

HIV? Me? No, I am married! (12)

HIV, Black women.”You knew all this while,” I had exclaimed.

”I bought an HIV testing kit off the internet and the result came back positive.”

”When was this?”

”About a month ago.”

”I see.” But I didn’t see at all.

”So why were you reluctant for me to do the test?” I asked, remembering how he had flared up when I mentioned testing for HIV.

”I don’t know,” he shrugged. He put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. We were both silent for a moment.

”We need to do another test to confirm and check your viral load. The viral load tells us how many of the HIV viruses are circulating in your system and helps us decide if you need to start treatment now or wait a bit.”

”Okay.” He rubbed his fingers across his eyes. I noticed for the first time some gray strands of hair at his temples.

”And your wife…”

He looked up. ”What about her?”

”She needs to be tested as well.”

He sighed again heavily.

Click here to download Dr Adaeze’s special report on Optimising sexual intimacy.

Click here to learn about the Afrocarribean health event on the 19th of April 2014

A challenge to All Women of Child Bearing Age.

I live in UK so as expected, my findings on abortion in black women are based on UK figures. But this news was a confirmation to me that abortion rates are high among black women even in the US!
Consider the news below:

“Data from the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene reveals that black women had more abortions than live births in 2012.

In a report titled “Summary of Vital Statistics 2012, The City of New York,” black women not only had the highest rate of abortions but they also topped the chart with the highest number of pregnancies and miscarriages as well, surpassing all other racial groups.


As far as pregnancy terminations, black children who were aborted comprised 42.4 percent of the total number of abortions in New York City. In 2012, out of 73,815 abortions in the city, 31,328 black babies were aborted.

Continue reading

Part 5: A Survivor of Sexual Abuse – Nina Ndubuisi.

Sexual Wellbeing Network

Sexual Wellbeing Network

Not all survivors of sexual abuse show their emotions outwardly. On the one hand, some may appear calm and unaffected by the assault; on the other hand, some survivors become hyper-sexual or promiscuous following sexual attacks—sometimes as a way to reassert a measure of control over their sexual relations (I think this is more me).
To all including men,(yes men are victims as well) who have been victims, know that your silence only cripples you but your voice will make you victorious. Despite all these years, I am still trying to overcome and be victorious, some days are good some are bad, but I believe I am a survivor.

Fast forward to the year 2002 – I was lying in bed nursing my newborn baby, I had a phone call, my husband passed me the phone someone called Chidi wanted to speak to me, as I picked up the phone and said hello, how could I not recognise that voice? It was the voice of “aunty” (our nanny), I asked how she got my number and she told me “daddy” had given it to her, she had heard I had had a baby and wanted to come and visit me, without thinking or rather more out of curiosity I gave her the address, two days later she turned up with her husband and a mountain of gifts, I welcomed her into my house and she carried my baby, I asked her about her own kids and she looked up and told me God had not blessed her with any, despite being married for over 20 years (which means she had not had any kids).

Have you ever heard the word SCHADENFREUDE? It means – Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. I rest my case.
Ciao xxx

The Sexual Wellbeing Community are immensely grateful to Nina Ndubuisi for sharing her story and opening our eyes to how easily sexual abuse can occur right under our noses and the long term effects on the victims.

We wish you well, Nina, and pray that your healing will be complete so you can live a wholesome, glorious life free from the shackles of the past.
If you would like to share your story about a sexual health matter such as rape, sexual abuse, unplanned pregnancy, abortion, domestic abuse and so on please get in touch here

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“Understanding Contraception” is Amazon’s Best-seller in three categories!!!

Have you read ”Understanding Contraception”? Hear what others are saying about the new book ”Understanding Contraception: A guide for Black Ladies”

Get informed and have a laugh along the way!

”Understanding Contraception” is Amazon’s Bestseller in three categories!!!




It is such an interesting, easy read and funny book too. I see this book placed in schools and university libraries. It’s such valuable information that people don’t like talking about except when they are in trouble. – Placida Acheruo Brand Visibility, Marketing and Monetization Strategist at Coaching 4 Excellence

Understanding Contraception: A guide for Black ladies fills a major gap in knowledge and should be made widely available to women from all walks of life both in the UK and all over the world. – Naana Otoo-Oyortey MBE Executive Director, FORWARD (Foundation for Women’s Health Research and Development) 

If one was writing the essential and desirable characteristics for a job as “Sexual well-being promoter for Black women”, Dr Ifezulike’s experience would provide the model description. This book will teach you about fertility control and infectio prevention by wrapping sexual and reproductive facts with real-life stories from Dr Adaeze’s caseload. -Dr Susie Logan MB ChB MD (comm.) MRCOG MFSRH Consultant Gynaecologist National University Hospital  Singapore Formerly Consultant in Sexual & Reproductive Medicine NHS Grampian Aberdeen, Scotland, UK

View this awesome review by the amazing Whole Woman Network team.

Buy your copy now. Happy reading!!

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