HIV? Me? No, I am married (18)

“Doctor, please tell my husband what is going on.” Nma put her hands together under her chin and sighed.

I stared back at her confused for a moment.

Could it be that she hadn’t told him her status? Was she seriously expecting me to do this? First her daughter, now her husband. How many more family members was I expected to break this news to?

I felt a bit panicky at the thought of Nma bringing an endless line up of sons, daughters, uncles and aunties, in short a whole clan of people for me to speak to.

Nma had come back to see me with her husband a week after I’d seen her with her daughter. I was glad they had come together. I immediately recognised Dike, though we hadn’t met for nearly a year. He looked much older than I remembered but still had that distinguished look about him. Perhaps a few more grey hairs than last time.

“This is my husband, Dike,” Nma spoke once they sat down.
I had nodded at him and smiled. I wasn’t sure how much he had disclosed to Nma. Had he told her his status? He nodded back at me, his face blank. Maybe he didn’t recognise me.

“Nma,” I started trying to gather my thoughts. “I…”

“What is going on, doctor,” Dike snapped. “My wife has been losing weight, she is always tired, I have found her crying on several occasions for no reason…is she at meno…meno…whatever you women experience when you are older?”

What! I screamed inside. If it hadn’t been such a serious situation, I was sure I’d have burst out laughing. Instead, my mind went into a tail spin. What game was Dike playing??

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Contraception- to ignore it or tackle it…that is the question!

Its one of those issues that confront women at one time of their lives or another. It just wont go away! Atleast not while sex continues 😉

Many ignore it at their peril. Others barely tolerate it as a necessary evil.

Where do you stand?

Consider my discussion with Amina below (name changed to protect patient’s confidentiality).

Amina looked at me, her eyes filled with tears.

“I need your help, doctor, I’m pregnant again.” She paused as though the fact still amazed her, as if she was hearing the news for the first time.

I waited patiently as she fought with her emotions. When she started to speak again, the words tumbled out of her in a rush.

“It’s my fifth pregnancy, doctor… we had planned to stop… we really can’t afford another baby… I don’t have a job and my husband’s company is making people redundant so we are not sure of his job either…”

She grabbed the tissue I held out to her and dashed it to her eyes.

“I feel terrible. I had an abortion just four months ago.

“It’s… We… I just can’t have another baby.” The tears overflowed again.

When the storm had calmed, I gently enquired what contraception she was using.

“We use condoms… Sometimes.”

“At other times?”

Silence.

And then: “Nothing,” she confessed.

“I just didn’t think it would happen again so soon, doctor.”

The statistics speak for themselves!

Consider the fact that in 2012, in England and Wales, 49% of black women having an abortion had a previous abortion. This is well above the national recurrent abortion average of 36%.

Black women are ignoring contraception with resulting serious consequences. Unplanned pregnancies, soaring abortion rates, HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis and other sexually transmitted infections continue to rule the day.

We must stop and take stock of where we are, Black sisters. Together let’s explore our issues and begin to make changes that will bear fruit.

understanng contraception

buy nowCLICK HERE TO GET IT ON AMAZON

What is your Favourite Contraception?

What contraception do you like? Which contraception comes ‘Highly Recommended’ by you? Take our latest poll and find out if others agree with you. You can add your reason for recommending the contraception in the comment section if you like. If we have missed out a contraception available in your country, please let us know in the comment section and it will be added to the poll. Thanks for participating.

Sexual Wellbeing Network

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Condoms – do they fail? Or do you? (1)

So Baako decided they would give condoms another try even though Amina wanted to try something else.

If you haven’t met Amina, you can find out about her here and here

“Condoms are very effective at preventing pregnancy. If used correctly, only two women out of 100 will get pregnant in one year.

So were we just one of the unlucky two that condoms failed?” asked Amina.

It depends on how you were using it.

How else? You just put it on and use it, isn’t it? Baako said.

It needs to be put on before any contact between the penis and the vagina. This is because any fluid leaking out of the penis may contain sperm and cause a pregnancy.

I see… Baako and Amina looked at each other knowingly.

You need to handle the condom carefully as it can easily be damaged by sharp finger nails or jewellery and any leaks lead to a higher risk of pregnancy.

You should never re-use a condom and don’t forget to check the expiry date.

Do they expire? Baako was surprised.

Yes they do and expired condoms may not be very effective.”

And after intercourse?

Hold the condom firmly in place while pulling out slowly and carefully so you do not spill any semen.

To be honest, I feel a lot of friction when he uses condoms and its not comfortable, Amina said.

What do you feel about using lubricating gel?

Lubricating gel? What’s that? They clearly hadn’t heard of it.

1. Bearing all of the above in mind, just how effective do you think condoms are in the heat of passion???

2. Did you know that condoms have a ‘use by’ date?

3. Who taught you how to use condoms effectively? Yourself or someone else? Who do you think would be the best person to teach safe condom use?

Contraception- to ignore it or tackle it…that is the question!

Its one of those issues that confront women at one time of their lives or another. It just wont go away! Atleast not while sex continues 😉

Many ignore it at their peril. Others barely tolerate it as a necessary evil.

Where do you stand?

Consider my discussion with Amina below (name changed to protect patient’s confidentiality).

Amina looked at me, her eyes filled with tears.

“I need your help, doctor, I’m pregnant again.” She paused as though the fact still amazed her, as if she was hearing the news for the first time.

I waited patiently as she fought with her emotions. When she started to speak again, the words tumbled out of her in a rush.

“It’s my fifth pregnancy, doctor… we had planned to stop… we really can’t afford another baby… I don’t have a job and my husband’s company is making people redundant so we are not sure of his job either…”

She grabbed the tissue I held out to her and dashed it to her eyes.

“I feel terrible. I had an abortion just four months ago.

“It’s… We… I just can’t have another baby.” The tears overflowed again.

When the storm had calmed, I gently enquired what contraception she was using.

“We use condoms… Sometimes.”

“At other times?”

Silence.

And then: “Nothing,” she confessed.

“I just didn’t think it would happen again so soon, doctor.”

The statistics speak for themselves!

Consider the fact that in 2011, in England and Wales, 49% of black women having an abortion had a previous abortion. This is well above the national recurrent abortion average of 36%.

Black women are ignoring contraception with resulting serious consequences. Unplanned pregnancies, soaring abortion rates, HIV/AIDS, Hepatitis and other sexually transmitted infections continue to rule the day.

We must stop and take stock of where we are, Black sisters. Together let’s explore our issues and begin to make changes that will bear fruit.

My blog is committed to informing and equipping black women with the skill and knowledge they need to make positive decisions concerning their sexual health. I encourage black ladies to: implant

 Make the right decision for themselves concerning Contraception and Reproductive Health care.

 Reduce Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) rates.

 Knock down Unintended Pregnancy and Abortion rates

 Avoid early teenage Sexual activity and Teenage Pregnancy prevention

 Encourage testing for Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV), Hepatitis B and C HIVhepatitis

 Ensuring that early diagnosis of the above infections result in effective treatment and therefore better health for the affected.

Join me as we take this journey. Stay tuned to the blog as I am sure you would love to know what Amina decided to do. Don’t forget to leave a comment as I would love to hear from you (Yes! Your opinion matters!). Like the page on facebook (Why not spread the news?).  Follow the blog so you don’t miss any juicy bits.

Till next time, keep shining!

Dr Adaeze Ifezulike