Did you fall down the steps all by yourself or did you have some help?

domestic abuse, sexual wellbeing networkShe came with her husband. He was the epitome of attentiveness, supporting her as she limped along, quick to perform her every wish.
She was covered in bruises.

I asked her how she came about her bruises.
‘Oh I fell down the steps.’
Really! I thought a bit skeptically.
As I listened to her story and observed the husband’s attentiveness, I was already plotting.
I must do all I can to get this man out of the room.

I wanted to ask her woman-to woman if she fell down the steps all by herself or had some help.
I marvelled that I have become a sceptic.
I now see domestic abuse everywhere.
But who wouldnt??

Here are some Domestic violence statistics for you from the Domestic violence Statistics website:
Every 9 seconds in the US a woman is assaulted or beaten.
Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime. Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.
Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women—more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
Studies suggest that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.
Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup.
Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends.

We need to do more as a society to STOP Domestic Violence. No woman/man desrves to be sent to an early grave due to domestic violence.

Victims please speak up. The silence is a major factor that keeps the abuse going.
And when these victims speak, society must be ready to believe them, support them and protect them.

~Adaeze Ifezulike


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A must-watch film for young women (and men!)

BBC Murdered by my boyfriend, sexual wellbeing networkI had an incredible relaxing Christmas period and I hope you did too.
A major feature of my holiday was just sitting back with family to catch up on family favourites like the very Scottish ‘Brave‘ and the lovely ‘Frozen‘.
I even managed to watch the Christmas edition of East Enders :-), caught a bit of the Queen’s Christmas speech and watched Strictly Come Dancing Christmas special. 
I must say I enjoyed ‘Gone Girl‘ though mystery and murder are not usually my thing.
I could feel the stress of hospital work oozing out of me and all my systems melting into relaxation as we ate and lounged about with friends and family.
But there was one film that had me sitting upright.
Its the BBC true life story ‘Murdered by my boyfriend‘.
If you are a woman between the ages of 13 and 50, I would strongly recommend that you watch this film.
All mothers of teenage children should sit down with their kids and watch this.
If you are not yet in a relationship or just entering one, this is the must-watch film before you commit.
If you are a man reading this, please watch this film.
I dont want to give away much: you really need to click below and start watching now.
Please leave your comments below. We learn from each other.
Here’s to a beautiful New year!
If you need more information on domestic violence please visit this site for help.

Part 4: A survivor of Sexual Abuse -Nina Ndubuisi.

 

The next morning “aunty” came into my room to wake me up to get me ready for school, that night unknowingly I had wet my bed and “aunty” had slapped me round the head for wetting the bed, I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth, I sat on the toilet to do a wee and I felt the sharp burning sensation from within start over again, I must have been on the toilet for a long time as “aunty” came into the bathroom and dragged me off the toilet and ordered me into the bathtub, screaming that I was going to be late for school as I had spent most of the time on the toilet. After bathing I went into my room and got dressed putting on the same uniform I had worn the day before.

God has a way of looking out for “his own” and I believe that was the day that all those evil doers were going to get their comeuppance, how else can you explain “aunty” not noticing the uniform I wore to school was stained with blood and dried semen? How else can you explain “aunty” not keeping me off school as I was walking very funny?

I arrived in school that day and my appearance, coupled with the stains on my school skirt immediately drove the school authority into action, social services were called in and before you knew it, I found myself on an aeroplane being sent to Nigeria to live with my maternal grandparents.

Till this day, I don’t know what was used to penetrate me all I can think of are two things; either the empty beer bottle I noticed while lying on the floor that had some blood stains on the rim or “uncles” penis.

To be sexually abused strips you of what is pure and innocent. You grow up living with the shame that wears like a filthy, wet blanket. It is a darkness I would wish on no one. Sexual abuse can be extremely damaging, psychologically. Sexual abuse can have long devastating effects on its victims. Victims of sexual abuse often change their views on self and sexuality dramatically, in trying to deal with the trauma forced on them. Some begin to shun the idea of sex under any circumstances; others trivialize sexual abuse—thus they try to see it as nothing special in order to make light what has been done to them.

To be continued….

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Part 3: A survivor of Sexual Abuse – Nina Ndubuisi.

As we celebrate the International Women’s Day, we want to remember the real heroes, women all over the world who have gone through tough times and yet hold their head high. Women who refused to bow under incredible pressure and instead determined to make something of their lives despite the odds.

PicMonkey Collage.jpg12

On this day, we celebrate Nina Ndubuisi. Nina is a qualified nurse and midwife, who works full time supporting people with learning disabilities and Mental health issues to enable them access and engage socially with their community, ensuring they live a full and active life. She is currently living in Belvedere, Kent United Kingdom, with her husband and three daughters. You can follow her “wacky thoughts” at www.ninas-thoughts.com

This is her story in her own words: please click here if you missed the first part or the second part.

The next thing I remember was a sharp pain coming from inside me, it was so sharp that I let out a scream, “uncle” immediately used his dry palms to cover my mouth to prevent me from screaming any more, I remember biting his palm which followed with a slap across my face at this point I knew it was best not to scream or struggle, after all I was not a “naughty girl”, the pain intensified and I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks and sliding into my mouth, I remember the taste of the saltiness from my tears, I think the tears I shed that day were saltier than all the other tears I had shed before, “uncle” carried on doing whatever it was he was doing to me, I could hear him grunting whilst jiggling and with each movement he made, the pain intensified, as I sat on his knees while he got on with his business I tried to think of “happy thoughts”, but unfortunately I could not think of anything that nice that could take the pain away, the tears kept on flowing, I could feel my chest tightening and I became breathless (I have always been an asthmatic), I must have had an asthmatic attack, at that point “uncle” finally released me and shoved me on to the floor, I felt something warm trickling down my legs coming from my very painful and sore vagina, I went into the foetus position and started sucking my thumb (I was a thumb sucker), after what seemed like eternity, “aunty” came in, she saw me on the floor and shouted; “what are you doing on the floor? Come on get up or else I will tell your “daddy” when he comes back, I got up quickly and as I stood up, I felt more of what it was gushing out of me and trickling down my legs, I was too scared to look down, as I walked towards the door I heard “aunty” shout out – “go and clean yourself up and go to bed”, I had no idea what she meant by “clean myself up” and I was too shaken up and sore to ask, I just found myself walking to my room, taking off my uniform , putting on my pyjamas and crawling into bed.

To be continued.

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Part 2: A survivor of Sexual Abuse – Nina Ndubuisi.

As we celebrate the International Women’s Day, we want to remember the real heroes, women all over the world who have gone through tough times and yet hold their head high. Women who refused to bow under incredible pressure and instead determined to make something of their lives despite the odds.

PicMonkey Collage.jpg12

On this day, we celebrate Nina Ndubuisi. Nina is a qualified nurse and midwife, who works full time supporting people with learning disabilities and Mental health issues to enable them access and engage socially with their community, ensuring they live a full and active life. She is currently living in Belvedere, Kent United Kingdom, with her husband and three daughters. You can follow her “wacky thoughts” at www.ninas-thoughts.com

This is her story in her own words: please click here if you missed the first part.

I know the continuation of my story is well overdue, but narrating this has taken its toll on me, reliving the memories, I actually wanted to forget about it and not publish this but a lot of people have sent me private messages asking me what happened? How I dealt with the abuse I had to go through as a child and able to live and tell the tale and live a “normal” life by being a wife a mother, I then knew I owed it to all of you to publish the conclusion and narrate the horrific trauma I went through. Like I mentioned earlier, I am NOT looking for sympathy or any counselling, my decision to let you into my “world” and share the dark secrets I have been harbouring all this while is, I believe that “someone” who may have gone through the same thing or something similar, might be able to draw strength from my story.

I must have been eight years old or just turned 9 the day “it” happened, I remember playing in the front room with my dolls, It was not long I had returned from school as I was still in my school uniform. I think I had got all my dolls and teddy bears in a circle and was having a picnic with them, I remember hearing the door bell, I stood up and peeped from behind the curtains to see who it was – I had been warned never to open the door for anyone, but as a child, curiosity always got the better of me, although I was not allowed to open the door, I always wanted to see who was at the door. As I looked through the glass, I noticed it was “uncle” and his friend, I could not recount ever seeing this particular friend before, I noticed “uncle” look towards the window and I quickly closed the curtains – I did not want him to see me looking at him through the window and telling “daddy” I had been naughty. At this point our “nanny” (aunty), came down and opened the door, I could hear their voices in the hallway, indicating that they had been let in, my heart began to race, not with excitement, more with apprehension as I knew what would follow; “uncle” would come into the living room order me to get him a glass from the kitchen for him to drink his beer, then he will order me to sit on his lap and do his “thing”, whilst I popped sweets into my mouth “like a good girl” – as that was what “good girls” were meant to do, right? Well how did I know any different?

To be continued.

 

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Why is Sexual Wellbeing so important?

 
sexual wellbeing network

sexual wellbeing network

I face this unspoken question constantly. And then there’s the strange look that people pretend not to give me when I’m in full flow 🙂

People wonder why I am not talking about diabetes or cancer or multiple sclerosis. While these are all worthwhile topics for a doctor to engage his or her time with, I feel I need to make my case for sexual wellbeing. So read on…
  • Sexual wellbeing is an essential part of the healthy development of all individual.
    How you feel about your body and what you understand about intimacy can have a bearing on your development.
    It can affect your ability to cultivate, enjoy and maintain respectful relationships.
    It determines your feelings of self worth and esteem.
  • The ability to give and receive acts of affection is so integral to human beings.
    We are made to give affection and with our five senses we can do this in various ways.
    A warm smile with a glint in the eye can convey appreciation and lighten the mood.
    A kind word gladdens the ears and heart of the recipient.
    A soft caring touch speaks volumes about love and security.
    A kiss can be so meaningful and what tastes better than a lover’s (clean) tongue 🙂 Lol!
    The fresh smell after a shower can set the stage for great sexual intimacy… throw in some good perfume too!
    When we give affection, we bless the object of our affection and in return we are blessed. ‘Whatever we sow, we reap’ says the Good Book.
  • Lives are destroyed when development of sexual wellbeing is distorted.
    A little boy who grows up witnessing his mother being beaten or verbally abused by his father, has a two in three chance of doing the same thing to the women he eventually has a relationship with as an adult.
    A little girl who grows up believing that her self-worth can only be found when she is in bed with a man and therefore hops from man to man ends up disillusioned and the attainment of self esteem seems ever farther away. No wonder depression, anxiety, self harm and other destructive tendencies continue to plague our young girls.
    A man who is enslaved by pornography learns to see women as objects to satisfy his lust and fantasies rather than fellow human beings with feelings. He is unable to develop the skills of relating to real women. No wonder pornography is at the root of countless cases of rape and sexual murder crimes!
    Films that show women being brutally murdered, flogged while tied to posts and other acts of force and violence only serve to desensitize society and turn us all into monsters.
These are just some examples of sexual wellbeing gone wrong.
When sexual wellbeing isn’t achieved, the individual suffers. The family unit suffers. The society suffers.
Dysfunctional individuals make a dysfunctional society!
Let’s start talking sexual wellbeing.
Let’s demystify it. Let our little ones learn in an atmosphere of safety and love.
Let’s clean up our television shows and other forms of popular media.
Let’s pursue sexual wellbeing on all fronts and our society will be all the better for it.

My Sexual Safe.

What horrors lie in our sexual safe? What memories have we locked away hidden forever from the light of day? Were you raped as a child? Does the grunt and huff of your assailant still ring in your ears, playing an unforgettable music?

Does the bitterness of your treasure so cruelly snatched away still engulf you? Has the taste of your own blood drawn by wicked lips pressed against your unwilling mouth refused to leave you?

Were you misused by those who should have protected you?

Have you been a victim of domestic abuse? Bruised and battered so badly that your self-confidence is zero? No one heard your screams, no one saw the tears.

Sexual Wellbeing Network

Sexual Wellbeing Network.

Do you live with the consequences of a careless moment?

Do you have a positive HIV result or consequences of a chlamydia infection?

What horrors will unfold if the light was shone on your sexual safe?

Guess what? It doesn’t matter!!

Sexual Wellbeing Network

Sexual Wellbeing Network

We can choose to let the past be past or allow it strangle our future.

We can decide to empty the safe, clean it out, clear it out and allow freshness to come. What are we keeping those ugly memories safe for anyway?

It starts with forgiving yourselves, loving who you are. The Unique You! The past has no hold over you except what you permit it.

Yes, it hurt! Yes, it was cruel! Tears gather as you remember again. It feels just like yesterday. We cant deny that it happened or hasn’t left its scars but we look to the future now.

Sexual Wellbeing Network

Sexual Wellbeing Network

We determine to dust ourselves up and press to a glorious future. Because we are worth it! Because we deserve love and respect! Because no one is allowed to steal our joy and future!

This is the season to forgive and forget. Receive Peace and Strength to reach for the best you.
We know there is greatness in you! You are beautiful inside and outside! You survived so you are a Hero!
Wishing you a Fabulous New Year from the Sexual Wellbeing Network!

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